Sent February 1, 2020
Nothing helps us do self-care like a getaway. Be it a vacation, weekend trip, or retreat, a change of scenery and focus on relaxation does wonders for the soul. I don’t know about you, but I feel the urge to take time away much more than I can budget the days or money for. So this weekend, I’m figuring out a way to get that feeling from the comforts of home. It’s the first official Watered Grass Retreat. It’s located right in the comfort of my own home, and it’s attended by myself, my dog, and my boyfriend. It happened sort of by accident…
This weekend was the first in months that did not have a requirement from one of my jobs or a social obligation. As a 30 year-old entrepreneur with multiple jobs and friends across several states, this was a rarity. Initially, I had made plans with a friend for a very self-care day. Crystal shopping, tarot readings, and a winery visit were scheduled for today up until my partner in woo became my friend with the flu. For the first time since who knows when, I had an entire weekend with zero thing on the agenda.
Diana from 5 years ago would have panicked. The cancellation would have led to texting friends and family to see who was free, or scrolling Facebook events to see how to spend my time. I used to have a huge fear of down time. I associated it with two things I struggled to sit with: not being productive, and being alone. To me, empty calendars meant being rejected, and that was insufferable.
30 year old Diana audibly let out a “oh my god” when the schedule opened up. Not in the same way as I used to, but with the unbelievable excitement of wide open time. It couldn’t have come at a better weekend. A week of sick, disregulated kids at work, after-work meetings and trainings, and tax prep left my shoulders attached to my earlobes and an audible “pop” when stretching my back. So I decided to leave those blocks on my calendar totally blank and try something different- just do what I felt like.
This is not something that comes easily or naturally to me. I’m in recovery from people pleasing. I let so many factors influence my calendar aside from my own instincts, and had a persistent nagging voice telling me what I “should” be doing. For a long time, it was easier to give in to this voice than try to silence it. Through a lot of inner work I’ve finally gotten it under control, and can take cues from my body and intuition while (mostly) saying “Not today, Satan” to that internal nagging. It’s not easy, but some of the books from the Watered Grass Book Club have been major players in this change, along with a great therapist.
I’ll be logging off for the day for a Saturday full of whatever I feel like. I’m putting my phone on airplane mode while I meditate, journal, work out, and rest in whatever way fills me up. And yeah; there’ll probably be some face masks. The only thing for certain: it’s what I want today.
Take care of yourself, whatever that looks like for you,
Host of Watered Grass